Saturday, 12 December 2015

Alice in Moorakhland


One summer day a little girl called Alice was dozing in a meadow when she saw a strange sight. A white rabbit wearing a blue coat was running on its hind legs, and looking at its stopwatch was muttering " My goodness, I am late ". And having said so it jumped into a hole in the ground.

 Out of curiosity Alice followed the rabbit, and having entered the hole found herself tumbling down and down until she landed with a loud thud on some ground.
After recovering she looked around, and saw a circular shaped building, on whose gate was written in bold letters ' Parliament of the Sovereign Republic of Moorakhland.'.

 Alice got up and went inside the building and sat in the visitors' gallery besides some queer characters.

An uproar and commotion was going on in the members rows, the members shouting and screaming and rushing to the well of the House, often with placards while the lady Speaker tried to pacify them by saying " This is not a zoo. Human beings do not howl or bray like asses ", but all her efforts were in vain.

 Alice looked at the members of the House, and to her horror found that they resembled a rogues gallery.. There were leaders of the Mumbai underworld--Dawood Ibrahim, Chota Shakeel, Haji Mastan, Karim Lala, etc. There were racketeers, controllers of gold smuggling, drug trafficking, 'protection' rackets, blackmailers, extortionists, illegal gambling, contract killing, money laundering, hawala transactions, etc. There were also Chambal ravine dacoits like Man Singh, Tehsildar Singh, Nirbhaya Singh Gujar and bandit queen Phoolan Devi. Natwar Lal was there, the expert in forging bank cheques, and so were Sultana Daku, Roopa, sandalwwod smuggler Veerappan and Anokhe Lal ( who had committed dacoity in Lloyds bank, Bombay in 1950 ).

 Also among the members of the House were some American Sicilian Mafia members like Lucky Luciano, Vito Genovese, Carlo Gambino, Frank Costello and Al Capone. These had been made members of the House by the Italian lady who had been the defacto Empress of India when her party was in power. 

 " Why are the members of Parliament all criminals ? '' Alice asked a neighbour in the visitors' gallery.

" Hush '' said the neighbour, " don't ever say that, or you may be sent to jail for contempt of the House. And always address them as Honourable, the way Mark Antony spoke of the conspirators at Caesar's funeral ".

 " But why are the members yelling and creating a ruckus ? " persisted Alice.
" That is because the Opposition party's leaders have been summoned by a Judge for embezzlement ' replied her neighbour.

" But that is surely for the Judge to decide. What has Parliament to do with it ? " asked Alice.

 " Of course " said the neighbour. " But it is only a pretext. The real reason  is that the main Opposition party was in power for half a century, and is now feeling very uncomfortable sitting in the Opposition, like a fish out of water. "

 " And what about the Speaker " asked Alice, " Why does she not evict the unruly members ? "

 " Don't talk nonsense " said the neighbour, " The Foreign Minister who was the Leader of the Opposition before the previous elections had herself said that disrupting Parliament was a normal democratic prerogative of members. Moreover, the Speaker knows that Parliament has become a corpse, an empty and hollow shell which will never function again. So she simply adjourns the House and goes home to enjoy life instead of sitting in the midst of these goondas and ruffians ".

 " But why have the people elected such rascals and goons ? " asked Alice.

 " Sister, this is Moorakhland. The people here have no brains but only gobar ( cowdung ) and bhoosa ( hay ) in their heads. When they go to vote they only see the candidate's caste and religion, and ignore the fact that he is a criminal.
  
Evidently the Speaker had heard Alice's conversation ( though she had turned a deaf ear and had been oblivious to all the din and hullabaloo in the House ), and she cried to the Marshals " Arrest that insolent and arrogant girl. She has called the respectable Honourable members of the House criminals ".

 The Marshals approached Alice to arrest her, but at that time Alice shouted " You members of Parliament are nothing but a pack of blackguards who have looted the country and polarised society to secure your vote banks ".

 At this, the members of Parliament, who had been till now fighting with each other, got united and infuriated, and would have torn Alice to pieces ( just as they had torn the country apart ), but just at that time Alice woke up and realized she had been dreaming.

P.S.
 This piece is no allusion, aspersion  or reflection on any real person or body. In particular it is not an allusion or insinuation against the Indian Parliament, whose members I regard as men and women of high character and competence, who are selflessly serving the nation.
 Hari Om.

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